


for memory, which is decadent

by Cinnamonbookworm



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, MAJOR SPOILERS ALL THE SPOILERS THROUGH EP 66, Memory Loss, Memory Regaining, Telepathy, Twins, but it's all in character, had to get it out there, some amount of selfishness, spec fic, the umbrastaff, totally and absolutely ready for this to be destroyed by canon in two weeks but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 20:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11365119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinnamonbookworm/pseuds/Cinnamonbookworm
Summary: Taako looks straight at his friends, at The Hunger and the darkness that comes with it, and can’t quite give a shit.Or: With memories come grief and anger.





	for memory, which is decadent

**Author's Note:**

> Been trying really really hard to hold off on writing fic for this podcast until the series is done just because this is one of those rare cases where I have pretty much complete and utter faith in the writing/acting/podcasting/improvisation of the people creating this beautiful show I love so there's usually no need to fix-it-fic-it.  
> However, I'm a twin and losing my sister would be like a fate worse than death to me, and now that we know what we know from the Stolen Century, I have a few thoughts of how this would play out.  
> The title is from the poem Remembering by P.K. Page. Some of it is below, but you should really click the link and read the whole thing because I think it really applies to our IPRE crew in this moment. <3

_So I, remembering from now to then, / Can know and see and feel again, as jewels / Must when held in a brilliant branch of sun_

-Remembering by P.K. Page

It does not all come back in an instant.

First of all, because that would be a cliche and Taako so does not do cliches. And, of course, because voidfish ichor does not work in instants. It works in long minutes and painful, labored breaths and thrumming headaches and fuzzy vision. Taako stands before The Director - Lucretia - with bound hands and the worst kind of pain in his head and tries as hard as he possibly can to remember.

“Just try to follow along as I explain it,” Lucretia says, and Taako grits his teeth. “Don’t try to think ahead because-”

There’s something, some part of him - the same throw-it-all-away part, shaped like a childhood ragdoll dragged along dirt roads - that wants to tell her he’ll think ahead as much as he pleases. He’ll try and strain and burst his head open because there’s been this emptiness in his chest for so so long now and he just… he needs to know.

It’s worse now than it was. It was disappearing, he’d thought, for a while. After Merle and Magnus and Carey and Killian and Avi and sweet sweet Angus. It seemed that void was closing. But now, after Barry Bluejeans and Magnus’ reveal in that cave about knowing things, about _keeping things_ , about not trusting him… he knows now that there’s still something missing. Just to the left of his heart.

And he knows if he just strains hard enough, reaches far enough, it might be on the other side of this fog. Whatever he’s missing. Whatever he’s been missing. Whatever he…

He nearly blacks out.

The pain subsides just in time for Taako to see The Dir- Madame- Lucretia turn towards him, waving her white oak staff around in the air.

“I can build a home that all of us can be safe in together,” she says. “Save for Lup.”

And it does not all come back in an instant, because that would be a cliche and it had started already and Taako knows in his heart that she deserves more than an instant. But it hits harder than any Phantom Fist ever could, straight into his chest, depriving him of air and wetting his eyes with a dark sort of relief. Because she’s here, that thing in his chest he’s been missing. And she’s gone.

“I’m so sorry, Taako, Barry. There was nothing I could do.”

For a moment he had had her. Every single memory had filled him in a shivery kind of way. Lup. Bright and beautiful Lup. With constant fire behind her eyes and the most wonderful smile Taako had ever seen and ever will see. 

And then she was gone.

Because the end of remembering is remembering the note and the search and the fact that they never found her. The fact that it’s been ten years and they never found her - couldn’t find her - because _Lucretia intervened_ and _they could’ve found her, dammit._

He could’ve gotten her back.

Davenport, though, is the first to react. He stumbles forward, sleeve at his mouth, eyes kind of wide in the same horror that Taako’s feeling. 

“Lucretia?” he asks, voice shaking. “What have you done?”

It’s the first time Taako’s heard this particular voice say anything other than _Davenport_ in so so long and that pulls on a very specific heartstring of his, but there’s no time for it. No time at all because every one of his thoughts is overwhelmingly focused on _Lup._

_Lup is gone. And they could’ve found her. They almost found her, they were right there they were-_

Before he can finish his thought, wander down the thorny path where he knows it leads, the door slams open. There is Magnus. And Carey and Killian. And The Hunger. The Hunger is here now. It’s the end of the world, the end of everything, and yet Taako can’t really process it. He’s gone numb, somewhere. Not in the place to the left of his heart - that place is on fire now, in a pain worse than the voidfish ichor had given him - but everywhere else.

Taako looks straight at his friends, at The Hunger and the darkness that comes with it, and can’t quite give a shit.

He whips back around to where Lucretia stands, tears in her big dark eyes (guilt too), watches as she takes Davenport’s words to heart. Taako looks at her, jaw trembling. She meets his gaze with solemnity. And that’s when he snaps.

Taako strains against his restraints, feet slipping backwards on the marble floor of the room. It burns like hell but he keeps going and after a few moments of this he realizes he’s been screaming. Not from the chains rubbing against him or his bruised knees hitting the floor every time this very bad escape attempt fails, but from that growing, searing, pain against the background of numbness.

“ _YOU TOOK HER AWAY!”_ His throat is beginning to grow hoarse but he just doesn’t care. “ _YOU TOOK LUP AWAY FROM ME YOU - YOU **STOLE** MY SISTER! MY **TWIN SISTER**! YOU…”_

He slumps, finally, against the floor, restraints keeping him just far enough away from her that he can’t touch that crackling barrier around where she stands.

“Uh, Taako…” Magnus starts, from his position by the door, as he fights off some of The Hunger with the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom. “Is this really the right time for this?”

Taako doesn’t listen though - he just shoves his head in his hands and tries to think through the fog that still surrounds his mind. _Fuck, he must be dumb. He must be so so dumb without her if he can’t even think of a way to avenge her. He must be the most useless piece of shit who ever-_

From his bag, which is leaning against the wall at least eight feet behind where they’re chained something moves. He can hear it, almost imperceptibly, against the roar of the battle around him. The battle that has drawn the attention of everyone except for him. Even Merle, still chained up, is trying one last time for a prayer to Pan. It almost seems like a fool’s errand at this point.

The bag rustles again. Taako strains his neck to look towards it. He can barely see it, but it’s rustling, and it’s moving and then something flies out of it. Something long and sturdy. Something that’s been by his side all along.

_So this is… well, it’s called an Umbrastaff. It consumes the power of defeated magic users. It’s- it’s pretty tight, right?_

_It looks ridiculous, I’m sorry, but you look like a clown with that thing. It is ludicrous._

He can hear her voice in his head, almost. Just like it sounded that day. Fresh blood from an old wound that was never ever given even a remote chance to heal. He slams his hands over his ears but it doesn’t work. He can hear her voice so clearly, he can-

“ _Trust Barry. Love Barry._ ”

The same message from the cave, still on repeat. Farther away now. But still there. Taako, mind still cloudy, slowly lifts his hands from his ears and raises them just barely up his head to find a metal band still wrapped around him. For some reason, some terribly lucky reason, Lucretia hadn’t deemed it necessary to remove his band of telepathy.

He reaches out a hand and catches the Umbrastaff just as it’s about to fly past him. The voice in his head intensifies tenfold. It’s yelling now, yelling like he was earlier. Screaming with the same sort of desperation.

Taako remembers now, pulling this staff from his sister’s hand - _his sister’s bony skeletal hand that quickly crumbled into dust, fuck, he’s going to throw up._ He remembers the red robe and the cave and just how fucking close him and Barry were to finding Lup.

And then he remembers something else. Something the voidfish never took away from him, but something he’d overlooked. Big bright letters. L-U-P. Scorched into something. Scorched by the umbrella in his hand. With the very same spell she used to love.

It couldn’t be… could it?

The cry in his mind changes. “Trust me,” it says. “Trust me, please.”

“I trust you,” Taako responds, and it might be the first time in ten years that he’s said these words and really truly meant it.

And the Umbrastaff recoils back into the palm of his hand a little bit, like it’s re-loading or something, and then a terrible and brilliant bolt of white-blue flame bursts out of the end of it and shoots The Hunger straight in the face.

And Barry and Lucretia turn, almost automatically, to Taako. Lucretia’s bubble falters at the sight and one of The Hunger almost gets a hit on her but she blasts them really quick with her staff. Barry just looks absolutely completely dumbstruck.

They’ve both seen it before, the Umbrastaff. In Lup’s hand first and now Taako’s. But he knows absolutely none of them have ever seen it like this, juiced up on Wonderland Litch juice and burning with Lup’s absolute favorite spell.

They fend of The Hunger like this - at least, enough to clear the room for a moment. And a moment is all they need.

She does not come back to him in a moment - it is so much more complicated than that. But, right then and there, at least three of them know it’s the beginning.

“I-I guess I was wrong,” Lucretia says, choking slightly on her words. “She may not be fully gone from us after all.”

Another signal reaches Taako’s telepathy band. Strong and joyful and so so _Lup._

“Guess who’s back motherfuckers!” she yells. And that’s when Taako starts crying.


End file.
